F.E.E.L.I.N.G.C.A.L.L.E.D.D.O.M.E.

Well, hello. and welcome to my blog!

in celebration of the advent of T. Heise’s final unit, poetically entitled “Postmodernisms II: Uncontainable Texts, Uncontainable Bodies” and an epic Holy Thursday/Good Friday no-sleep marathon, I have decided that the world of sporadic Facebook notemaking/stultifying Livejournal posts is no longer enough for me. My body is an uncontrollable text, SO READ IT, BITCH. I have a fire within, and it compels me to share my innermost thoughts and selected funny music videos with the world. Which is my oyster. arianna huffington is probably going to ask me about syndication any day now.

the name Peristalsis Hilton is in honour of Mr. Ingle’s grade 11 biology class, which taught me that there are a lot more sphincters in your body than you might think. It’s also an homage to people who i think embody what america is all about. hell yeah!

more about them later. right now I want to talk about hypothetical photo albums I would have created last night if my camera had batteries in it.

Me straddling a chair with a Paint-ed in speech bubble saying “Te amo” would definitely have been involved. Scarves, too. The captions would be super hilarious – alternating between pithy one-liners, fake brenda dickson quotes and funny film titles. for example, one of me in tormented modernist lesbian fiction angst poses in an off-white rooms entitled “If These Walls Could Talk 2″ and “Things U Can Tell Just By Looking At Her”. or just working it in my maternity clothing and occasionally laughing uncomfortably when the haze lifted. LOLOLOL

here are some “Well done, kudos me” quotes of last night/this morning (I have not really slept yet – although I did black out between Dorval and eastern Eastern Ontario and remember nothing except for the way too amazing lesbian continuumy conversation going on behind me as I type) that made me a laugh a lot:
“the collective vagina is angry/dewy/sandy etc.”

- use this one whenever you need mad self-expression and got it badd, but only in the most passive-aggressive way. it’s sort of like this

&

“minnie riperton has made me feel impure for the rest of my life.”

let’s face it, regarding the innocent nature of her devotion: damn right it’s better than yours. luuuuuuuuuuh-vin you-u is easy cuz you’re beautiful.

another funny thing that happened was that a joint got stuck to my lips and i had to blow it off into the garbage can. no forest fires thus far.
but what’s most importantly is that the beat went on and i Warm Leatheretted it around the room bending and snapping before collapsing on my bed where I was no longer of capable of any activity other than Peter Frampton/Hall & Oates appreciation, and accidentally recieved a juice box facial. someone needs to gimme one reason why 1978 isn’t better than 2008 so that i can hurry up and move with on my life.

the biggest shock of all comes next: i arrived at the bus station glazed-over, wearing a tank top and carrying a bag of 9 apples, oranges and pears, expecting to hop on a near-empty bus and watch porn at the back. no can do! apparently some people actually wake up at 5am so that they can make the 7:30, rather than choosing the far more sensible option of a departure time greater than or equal to 13h. so instead i leaned back, relaxed, and reflected on my mastery of missy elliott raps but complete inability to remember the part of “fuck the pain away” that comes after “sucking on my titties” (i.e. the whole song). on the other hand, it was a pretty gigantic novelty to be the only McGill student on an entire vehicle moving between Montreal and Toronto. *c^r*a^z*y^

i think i’m going to cut this short before i ruin a fresh, new (succinct) voice on the scene. the story ends with the bus being faster than the train (“I just looove how it keeps going and going and going!”), me pretending to be a skateboarding prodigy hitch-hiking across Canada and presiding over parking lots in Kingston, Ontario.

shout-outs going to: babyface, gloria vanderbilt, matthew coon come & the munchkins who organized my assortment of complimentary prophylactics by colour, flava and style!

love,
jarvis cock, err